I saw it too

I saw it from my car:

It had been going on for a while. I knew that. I always searched for lipstick on his collar or a text message that would make him nervous at the dinner table but that never happened. I wasn’t lucky enough for that. His fleeting kisses before rushing to work slowly disappeared, his gentle touches and shoulder rubs turned to cold shoulders and we only ever acknowledged our past 10 years falling apart, in silence.

But tonight, I knew I was going to have that closure. The P.I. had given me an address and he was sure this was their spot. Sitting in my car, outside the motel, I couldn’t even pull my hands away from the steering wheel. I had already started contemplating what I would say to him. Would I throw the ring at his face or quaintly leave it at a side table? Would I even look at her? I don’t think I even care who she is. I was busy planning my grand exit from his life when I heard that loud slam. I saw the blood on my windshield before I even heard the thud of the body. Her pink satin lace bodysuit smeared in red, her face obscured by her black luscious hair and her limbs contorted in ways that told me there was no point checking her pulse. The automatic wipers started moving left to right, spreading the splatter of blood on my windshield even more as I sat silently. Hands on the steering wheel, eyes wide, looking at the looming figure of the man I once loved, looking right back at me.

I saw it from my motel:

I had just finished doing a quick sweep through the empty rooms. It had been a shitty month. Motel business is not the most sustainable and definitely not worth getting into it. The only customers that do stay here are either cheating couples looking for a place to fuck or heroine shooting junkies. My husband is both. I used to have a strict policy against the latter but now if they pay, I don’t care. I have my kids to feed, even though all they do is suck my blood. Leeches, like their father.

I was going to my car after stocking the vending machine and locking up the office, when I saw a woman just sitting in her car. I usually don’t care who is here after 9pm but she had her hands on her steering wheel and looking straight ahead even though the car was parked. I have seen that woman before, not this one but that woman who knows what happens in places like these and doesn’t know how to face the reality. I’ve been that woman. I wish I could say you get used to it.

I had already turned away from her when I heard a thud like that time those asshole workers had dropped the moldy mattress down from the fourth floor instead of bringing it down using stairs. That one second of thud and then nothing. I turned to look at the source of the sound and my eyes widened. I could feel my throat tightening but I couldn’t even lift my hand to loosen my damn shirt’s collar. I heard the squeaky sound of the woman’s wipers attempting to clean red spots from the windshield but instead smearing it even more. I couldn’t see the body from where I was except a bent hand that had its palm turned inward towards the wrist and I dared see no more.

I saw it too:

I saw the wedding ring. The singe band of gold encircling his finger just like his hands were encircling my waist thirty minutes after I saw him for the first time. I never felt bad for her though because I always thought he was my ‘the one’. I guess she thought so too. In a way, now we’re both dead but I do hope she forgives me.

As I was falling, I wanted my life to flash before my eyes, like they tell you in the movies. I wanted to see the good memories one last time but all I could see were his burning eyes, telling me he knew this was bound to happen. I don't regret loving him. Even now, as I am lying on the ground, in a pool of my own blood. I can see my hands turned inwards, bones sticking out of my skin but I feel no pain. I don’t feel sad for myself but I do feel sad for my mama. Her heart crushing inside her chest as she shakes my cold body on the colder steel table. I feel sad for her. I imagine her putting on the ring on the man who she thought would be hers till death do them part. She just didn’t know whose.